I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
