i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
