I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
