dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize