I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
