My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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