guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize