You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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