I'm jealous of your bromance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
