he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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