he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
