That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
