i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
