I love black thongs
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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