i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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