and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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