I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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