I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
