You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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