Ambien. No doubt about it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
