Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
