just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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