mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
