It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Mom said you looked used
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
