New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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