Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
