i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
