he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
