i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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