Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
