I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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