she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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