the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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