At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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