Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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