Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i came on her dog
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
