you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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