It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
