your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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