Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
