I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
