dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
