No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
