Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
