Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
