So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
