Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
