How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
40s are totally the cure
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
