I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
