how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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