dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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