We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
