Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
