Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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