we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
