Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
