I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
