her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
