Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
