So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
