So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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