Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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